My mind is reeling…

It’s been a while since I’ve really talked to you all about my own mental health struggles. These last few weeks have possibly been some of the toughest I’ve had to endure in the last 8 months and I don’t know whether to scream or run. Usually around August-September, the universe conspires to make it almost insufferable for me to have a good day. Not to say that I don’t have good days, but some days are definitely better than others. It’s around the time that the weather starts to change, the season is slowly fading and turning into another, and people are a little bit more anxious at the thought that another year has flown by. I remember when I was younger, the years felt infinite. I couldn’t wait to be an adult and do grown up things; I just wish someone had told little Mirms that the older you get, the shorter the years become.

I wanted to be open and honest with you all, I have not been in the best frame of mind. There are days where I don’t even want to get up out of bed or do anything. It also explains the lack of content on my feed. I love engaging with my community and through my platform, but sometimes it takes so much energy for me to even try to get ready that I give up on the idea. I love what I do and the feeling it gives me when I am working on my platform and my blog, it’s my baby and I’m very protective over it. Ever since I quit my old job, I would dream of all the things I would do with all the free time I would have. I was so excited that I didn’t think of how this would affect me not only financially, but emotionally and mentally. A lot of thought and mind power goes into creating content for you all and there are times where I just want to give up.

Nevertheless, I am more persistent than ever. Yes, I cry and I wallow. I even sometimes get so stressed out and so uninspired that I think “who the hell even cares of the stuff I post? No one reads my work!”. But some of you have proved me wrong and I am so thankful for you. I love blogging and I love that I am slowly building my influencer brand. Without the support of you, my audience, I wouldn’t be in the position that I am currently in. I gave up a lot to continue working on my brand and I don’t regret it. There are times where I think I made a really rash decision and that now I’m suffering the consequences. I feel like Sisyphus constantly rolling that boulder up the side of the mountain, only for it to come rolling back down. Now, I don’t mean as how Sisyphus thought he was a powerful being, but more in the capacity that sometimes I’m rolling my boulder up, only for it to roll back down on top of me and crushing me (metaphorically speaking, of course).

I do want to take this time to really appreciate your patience and your support. Although it’s still a bit tough to get up in the morning, knowing that I have a community to fall back on means the world to me. My mental health is very important to me and being this vulnerable with you all is very much awkward and uncomfortable for me. I don’t show much emotion and I like to keep it that way, but I do feel a responsibility to always being transparent and open with you. I do hope that you understand that I will always put my mental and emotional health first before my blog and platform. I cannot work properly and I cannot create content if my heart and mind are not 150% in it. That wouldn’t be fair to me and it definitely would not be fair to y’all.

I love y’all so much, you make my little heart hurt sometimes.

Thanks for reading…xo,

Miriam

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